Polishing Ourselves to Deserve an Ideal Soul mate Part 2
By Jeanny Chen
A Young Women's Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer repeatedly from her vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been played out continuously for a few years by several young men of a similar type, as if they were in a relay race. Each time the relationship started, she was so attracted to one of them and would quickly surrender her heart & body, thus becoming a subordinate to the man. She had offered herself as cheap game for those men to capture easily. As a result, they did not cherish her but, one after another, dumped her when the fresh excitement faded.
Obviously, none of them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and her karma would trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to distinguish good from bad. She could realize the problem of her karma until she strove to quadruple her daimoku and kosenrufu activities for a while.
She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice and study with the goal of eradicating her karma relationship. She also worked staunchly on her human revolution. In her case, she had to painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new relationship before it was clear that she had transformed her life.
She has now found her ideal soul mate, an entirely different type of person to whom she would have noticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him very sweetly to her hearts content because he gives her in return, even more love & care. However, this only transpired when she had elevated her life state and changed her perspective towards men and could thereby recognize and choose this lucky man who suits her so perfectly.
Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart breaking experiences, was indeed touch to overcome in her quest to eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well worth all the effort. If she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling and struggling with the same karma, probably for the rest of her life,
The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely.
We don’t want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that person is available to us. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle that’s going to befall us. Feeling desperately lonely, fearing that there is no chance of finding a better partner or thinking we don’t deserve a good one are no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. It’s better to leave one’s heart yearning for love than to fill the aching void without discretion.
Again, we would be much better off if we turned the energy of desperation, fear and struggle into the fuel to forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more commendable quality, naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from. Thus, we can hold our heads high and choose wisely.
Let’s look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nichiren Daishonin’ s eyes:-
THE HIYOKI IS A BIRD WITH ONE BODY AND TWO HEADS. BOTH OF ITS MOUTHS NOURISH THE SAME BODY. HIMOKU ARE FISH WITH ONLY ONE EYE EACH, SO THE MALE AND FEMALE REMAIN TOGETHER FOR LIFE. A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD BE LIKE THEM.
Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502
The ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very important that with our partner we inspire and encourage, respect and cherish, motivate and invigorate each other. We share dreams & hopes, embrace each other’s beliefs and character, shed tears together over adversities, and work as two in body but one in mind on mutual goals. Be sure that both sides are mature, sincere , independent, genuine, positive, caring and willing to improve & grow.
We don’t wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently destructive and negative& will hinder our happiness. If our prospective partner tends to dominate or overpower us. Unreasonably and if we are not sure of our ability to joyously accommodate such a strong personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay away from them. We have to be on our guard instead and not blindly jump into predictably doomed and painful relationship.
The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew the image of our soul-mate.
Indeed, superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and weaknesses fit us perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work to complement each other and create value from our partner’s seemingly negative traits in our eyes.
When the ideals and desires of the two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before we treat it, as a doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before we rush to abandon the relationship, there’s something we can try. In fact, activating our wisdom awakens us to the untrue portrait we have painted of our partner. We can also employ the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism to gain a truthful, vivid and positive image of the same person.
There are different angles from which we can review our opinion about our partner and find ways to amend and adjust the differences between both sides.
Are the fundamental problems in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term? Are they fixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely our partners fault? Or are they the result of our own deceived mind due to the function of the three poisons of greed, anger & foolishness? Most importantly of all, do we have the wisdom to see the reality of the relationship as the manifestation of our own karma, & do we thus want to take total responsibility? What can we do to help our partner and to turn around our relationship?
Ever wonder why the same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of another person? One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That is to say the value of everything changes, depending on its relationship with the environment and depending on how we look at it. Does that mean tht we can reformat the pattern of our relationship without changing partners? Yes!!
Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task to follow through on: Can we allow our partners the room to live their lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow fashion of our frame of mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion and strength, our Buddha Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into medicines? Will we set out on this new avenue, whatever it takes, with only a positive attitude, and create nothing but good causes for the relationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and compassion to understand where our partners are coming from and practice this Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erase trauma?
The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our relationships is to reflect upon what we want and be well prepared for it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing what we have to do to deserve it.
The following is an example of the criteria that a Young Women’s Division member set for her ideal soul mate:
The purposes of this goal are :
1. To show the validity of Nichiren Buddhism
2. To set a great example and to show others how to build a successful relationship.
3. To enhance my ability and set a perfect foundation for my kosenrufu mission.
Therefore, this is a project for kosenrufu, not a goal merely for personal happiness. All the goals I have set in the past to help advance the kosenrufu movement through my faith, determination and action have been fulfilled successfully. This goal is no exception.
About him :•
• He is a man between 32 to 42 years old.
• He is available, single, divorced or a widower, waiting for me to find him, at the same time, trying to find me while actively preparing himself to make me the happiest and luckiest wife on earth.
• He doesn’t have children•
• He is handsome and tall.
• He is and will continue to be physically and mentally fit and morally straight.
• He is sweet, friendly, caring, gentle, cheerful, educated open-minded, mature and sociable.
• He is courageous, honest, upright, reliable and humble.
• He is positive, confident, scrupulous, dedicated, active, diligent and disciplined
• He walks his walk and talks his talk, namely, he does what he says and says what he does.
• He displays, on a maximum scale, the characteristics of his Buddha nature—wisdom, strong life force, compassion and absolute happiness in his daily life.
• He is happy to contribute to society.
• He has very good friends who bring him only good influence and assistance to benefit his life.
• He is capable and experienced in his field.
• He has a great and stable job that is recession-proof and risk free and has unlimited potential for greater advancement and promotion.
• He is devoted to work hard and has the ability to work harder if necessary.
• He has a house & car that have been paid off.
• He will constantly appreciate and praise all my existing virtues and strengths from the bottom of his heart.
• He will nurture me for my life to bloom even more brilliantly by helping me eradicate my shortcomings and cultivate more good virtues.
• He is willing and determined to have a serious relationship to build an eternally happy family with me and me only.
About me:•
• I am a woman, 30 years old•
• I am available•
• I don’t have children•
• I am sweet, friendly, caring, reliable, scrupulous ,dedicated., courageous, diligent and capable.
• I am learning from my past experiences and making this one last relationship a timeless great example for everyone.
• I am working on doing my human revolution.
• I have the penetrating determination to exert all mygood virtues and erase my shortcomings so that I also live up to the same criteria I set for him andrequire from him.
• I am firmly resolved that through this Buddhist practice I will improve myself every day.
• In order to contribute to the creation of my ideal soul mate and to make this person a reality, I am practicing this Buddhism on his behalf. I am chanting to communicate with his Buddha nature. Since life is eternal, he already exists somewhere, I am sending him abundant daimoku to add fortune to his life. I am praying for the goals I set for him even before I meet him, to help him accelerate the process of meeting my ideal criteria.
• I am actively contributing to his life this way so that I deserve to share his fortune when I meet and marry him.
• I will exercise my wisdom to know what criteria my ideal soul mate would love to see on me and polish myself to meet the criteria.
• I have very good friends. We encourage, inspire and help each other.
• I am physically and mentally fit and morally straight and will continue to be this way for the rest of my life.
• I have a job and I am willing to learn, and work harder to develop myself.
• I have a house and a car, all being paid off.
• I have a compassionate heart and I am contributing actively to help others to become happy.
• I am committed to having a successful lifetime relationship and build a sweet and happy family with him.
• I will make him the luckiest and happiest husband on earth.
• He will love me unconditionally and be forever very proud of me.
Together we will achieve:•
• He will appear in my environment.
• We will recognize each other and fall in love in 2007.
• We will be committed as husband and wife who love each other, and each other only, for the rest of our lives.
• We will be a role model couple and build an exemplary family to show others how to enjoy happy and healthy family life too.
• We will support each other on each other’s personal dreams and on our family goals.
• We will construct together a safe and sound emotional, social and financial life.
• We will have wonderful , capable , successful and healthy children.
• Eventually we will strive together for the prosperity of the worldwide kosenrufu movement.
• We will have great friends that will always act as our shoten zenjins. (The Buddhist Gods that protect and help us).
• We will be very happy and excited to enjoy each other more every day.
• We will enjoy going out together for holidays, dinners, concerts, SGI activities, etc.
• We will always be best friends, confidants & lovers. We read each other’s minds, share each other’s pain and joy.
• We will be very playful with each other, enjoying life with ever-springing humor, zest and spice.
• I am the center, the focus, the meaning and the achievement of his life and vice versa.
• I understand he might not be perfect as I am not perfect either. But we will respect, embrace and cherish each other wholeheartedly, once we have determined to become lifetime partners.
• We will both nurture our relationship with wisdom and compassion.
• We are essential to each other’s lives.
• We communicate with each other face-to-face and heart-to heart.
• We will help each other enrich and polish our lives even more. Through our mutual efforts, we will fit each other perfectly in all aspects.
• We will overcome together any kind of struggle and challenge.
• He will appreciate, support and cherish all my value creating contribution through the SGI activities.
• He himself will contribute voluntarily and actively to support my Buddhist practice, my SGI activities and the SGI organization.
• I will continue to practice this Buddhism on his behalf, whether he practices or not, for his personal goals and for our loving and happy family.
• He will have the greatest compassionate heart and the ability to be there for my family.
• We will always share & split, with great joy, all the responsibilities in our family including housekeeping. We will have a very nice house with a large altar and a big Gohonzon room to hold SGI meetings.
• We will live in a place where we can bring out the maximum value for the advancement of the kosenrufu movement.
• Our lives together could not be better. Yet, amazingly, it will get better and better every day.
With the goal being sincerely chanted for and well thought of, her next step is to Chant the amount of daimoku that she has decided to chant everyday:
1. For this goal to come true.
2. To sculpt the person vividly based on her criteria.
3. To communicate with the person’s Buddhahood through her daily daimoku about her goal, her efforts & her offer.
4. For the goals that she sets for him on his behalf.
She has to be utterly confident in herself and in the goal, have absolute faith in Gohonzon, and feel tremendous excitement about the value of this goal in terms of its mission to help others. Of course she has to painstakingly work on her human revolution and aggressively develop herself. Bringing happiness to countless people who are struggling amidst all kinds of relationship problems is as urgent as a life & death matter. With such a sense of urgency, she will take all necessary actions to accelerate this process and derive the best possible result. Her attitude towards and priority of carrying out this goal speaks for the importance of it. As daimoku is the fuel which benefits all aspects of her life, and as she needs time to build up her daimoku, she would have to strive to chant as much as possible. Along the way of pursuing her goal, her wisdom and life condition will be elevated. As a result, her perspective and criteria of the man she dreams of might change. Her ability and compassion to embrace the man’s deficiencies might be enhanced. However, one thing is for sure. She will find a man who suits her best in every aspect according to her newly developed life state at that particular time. People’s wants, needs and focuses vary. Her criteria might not meet with the requirements of many others. Therefore, this example is only for your reference. No matter what we want, as long as we make the cause, we will receive the corresponding effect.
By Jeanny Chen
A Young Women's Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer repeatedly from her vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been played out continuously for a few years by several young men of a similar type, as if they were in a relay race. Each time the relationship started, she was so attracted to one of them and would quickly surrender her heart & body, thus becoming a subordinate to the man. She had offered herself as cheap game for those men to capture easily. As a result, they did not cherish her but, one after another, dumped her when the fresh excitement faded.
Obviously, none of them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and her karma would trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to distinguish good from bad. She could realize the problem of her karma until she strove to quadruple her daimoku and kosenrufu activities for a while.
She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice and study with the goal of eradicating her karma relationship. She also worked staunchly on her human revolution. In her case, she had to painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new relationship before it was clear that she had transformed her life.
She has now found her ideal soul mate, an entirely different type of person to whom she would have noticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him very sweetly to her hearts content because he gives her in return, even more love & care. However, this only transpired when she had elevated her life state and changed her perspective towards men and could thereby recognize and choose this lucky man who suits her so perfectly.
Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart breaking experiences, was indeed touch to overcome in her quest to eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well worth all the effort. If she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling and struggling with the same karma, probably for the rest of her life,
The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely.
We don’t want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that person is available to us. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle that’s going to befall us. Feeling desperately lonely, fearing that there is no chance of finding a better partner or thinking we don’t deserve a good one are no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. It’s better to leave one’s heart yearning for love than to fill the aching void without discretion.
Again, we would be much better off if we turned the energy of desperation, fear and struggle into the fuel to forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more commendable quality, naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from. Thus, we can hold our heads high and choose wisely.
Let’s look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nichiren Daishonin’ s eyes:-
THE HIYOKI IS A BIRD WITH ONE BODY AND TWO HEADS. BOTH OF ITS MOUTHS NOURISH THE SAME BODY. HIMOKU ARE FISH WITH ONLY ONE EYE EACH, SO THE MALE AND FEMALE REMAIN TOGETHER FOR LIFE. A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD BE LIKE THEM.
Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502
The ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very important that with our partner we inspire and encourage, respect and cherish, motivate and invigorate each other. We share dreams & hopes, embrace each other’s beliefs and character, shed tears together over adversities, and work as two in body but one in mind on mutual goals. Be sure that both sides are mature, sincere , independent, genuine, positive, caring and willing to improve & grow.
We don’t wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently destructive and negative& will hinder our happiness. If our prospective partner tends to dominate or overpower us. Unreasonably and if we are not sure of our ability to joyously accommodate such a strong personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay away from them. We have to be on our guard instead and not blindly jump into predictably doomed and painful relationship.
The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew the image of our soul-mate.
Indeed, superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and weaknesses fit us perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work to complement each other and create value from our partner’s seemingly negative traits in our eyes.
When the ideals and desires of the two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before we treat it, as a doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before we rush to abandon the relationship, there’s something we can try. In fact, activating our wisdom awakens us to the untrue portrait we have painted of our partner. We can also employ the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism to gain a truthful, vivid and positive image of the same person.
There are different angles from which we can review our opinion about our partner and find ways to amend and adjust the differences between both sides.
Are the fundamental problems in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term? Are they fixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely our partners fault? Or are they the result of our own deceived mind due to the function of the three poisons of greed, anger & foolishness? Most importantly of all, do we have the wisdom to see the reality of the relationship as the manifestation of our own karma, & do we thus want to take total responsibility? What can we do to help our partner and to turn around our relationship?
Ever wonder why the same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of another person? One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That is to say the value of everything changes, depending on its relationship with the environment and depending on how we look at it. Does that mean tht we can reformat the pattern of our relationship without changing partners? Yes!!
Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task to follow through on: Can we allow our partners the room to live their lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow fashion of our frame of mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion and strength, our Buddha Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into medicines? Will we set out on this new avenue, whatever it takes, with only a positive attitude, and create nothing but good causes for the relationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and compassion to understand where our partners are coming from and practice this Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erase trauma?
The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our relationships is to reflect upon what we want and be well prepared for it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing what we have to do to deserve it.
The following is an example of the criteria that a Young Women’s Division member set for her ideal soul mate:
The purposes of this goal are :
1. To show the validity of Nichiren Buddhism
2. To set a great example and to show others how to build a successful relationship.
3. To enhance my ability and set a perfect foundation for my kosenrufu mission.
Therefore, this is a project for kosenrufu, not a goal merely for personal happiness. All the goals I have set in the past to help advance the kosenrufu movement through my faith, determination and action have been fulfilled successfully. This goal is no exception.
About him :•
• He is a man between 32 to 42 years old.
• He is available, single, divorced or a widower, waiting for me to find him, at the same time, trying to find me while actively preparing himself to make me the happiest and luckiest wife on earth.
• He doesn’t have children•
• He is handsome and tall.
• He is and will continue to be physically and mentally fit and morally straight.
• He is sweet, friendly, caring, gentle, cheerful, educated open-minded, mature and sociable.
• He is courageous, honest, upright, reliable and humble.
• He is positive, confident, scrupulous, dedicated, active, diligent and disciplined
• He walks his walk and talks his talk, namely, he does what he says and says what he does.
• He displays, on a maximum scale, the characteristics of his Buddha nature—wisdom, strong life force, compassion and absolute happiness in his daily life.
• He is happy to contribute to society.
• He has very good friends who bring him only good influence and assistance to benefit his life.
• He is capable and experienced in his field.
• He has a great and stable job that is recession-proof and risk free and has unlimited potential for greater advancement and promotion.
• He is devoted to work hard and has the ability to work harder if necessary.
• He has a house & car that have been paid off.
• He will constantly appreciate and praise all my existing virtues and strengths from the bottom of his heart.
• He will nurture me for my life to bloom even more brilliantly by helping me eradicate my shortcomings and cultivate more good virtues.
• He is willing and determined to have a serious relationship to build an eternally happy family with me and me only.
About me:•
• I am a woman, 30 years old•
• I am available•
• I don’t have children•
• I am sweet, friendly, caring, reliable, scrupulous ,dedicated., courageous, diligent and capable.
• I am learning from my past experiences and making this one last relationship a timeless great example for everyone.
• I am working on doing my human revolution.
• I have the penetrating determination to exert all mygood virtues and erase my shortcomings so that I also live up to the same criteria I set for him andrequire from him.
• I am firmly resolved that through this Buddhist practice I will improve myself every day.
• In order to contribute to the creation of my ideal soul mate and to make this person a reality, I am practicing this Buddhism on his behalf. I am chanting to communicate with his Buddha nature. Since life is eternal, he already exists somewhere, I am sending him abundant daimoku to add fortune to his life. I am praying for the goals I set for him even before I meet him, to help him accelerate the process of meeting my ideal criteria.
• I am actively contributing to his life this way so that I deserve to share his fortune when I meet and marry him.
• I will exercise my wisdom to know what criteria my ideal soul mate would love to see on me and polish myself to meet the criteria.
• I have very good friends. We encourage, inspire and help each other.
• I am physically and mentally fit and morally straight and will continue to be this way for the rest of my life.
• I have a job and I am willing to learn, and work harder to develop myself.
• I have a house and a car, all being paid off.
• I have a compassionate heart and I am contributing actively to help others to become happy.
• I am committed to having a successful lifetime relationship and build a sweet and happy family with him.
• I will make him the luckiest and happiest husband on earth.
• He will love me unconditionally and be forever very proud of me.
Together we will achieve:•
• He will appear in my environment.
• We will recognize each other and fall in love in 2007.
• We will be committed as husband and wife who love each other, and each other only, for the rest of our lives.
• We will be a role model couple and build an exemplary family to show others how to enjoy happy and healthy family life too.
• We will support each other on each other’s personal dreams and on our family goals.
• We will construct together a safe and sound emotional, social and financial life.
• We will have wonderful , capable , successful and healthy children.
• Eventually we will strive together for the prosperity of the worldwide kosenrufu movement.
• We will have great friends that will always act as our shoten zenjins. (The Buddhist Gods that protect and help us).
• We will be very happy and excited to enjoy each other more every day.
• We will enjoy going out together for holidays, dinners, concerts, SGI activities, etc.
• We will always be best friends, confidants & lovers. We read each other’s minds, share each other’s pain and joy.
• We will be very playful with each other, enjoying life with ever-springing humor, zest and spice.
• I am the center, the focus, the meaning and the achievement of his life and vice versa.
• I understand he might not be perfect as I am not perfect either. But we will respect, embrace and cherish each other wholeheartedly, once we have determined to become lifetime partners.
• We will both nurture our relationship with wisdom and compassion.
• We are essential to each other’s lives.
• We communicate with each other face-to-face and heart-to heart.
• We will help each other enrich and polish our lives even more. Through our mutual efforts, we will fit each other perfectly in all aspects.
• We will overcome together any kind of struggle and challenge.
• He will appreciate, support and cherish all my value creating contribution through the SGI activities.
• He himself will contribute voluntarily and actively to support my Buddhist practice, my SGI activities and the SGI organization.
• I will continue to practice this Buddhism on his behalf, whether he practices or not, for his personal goals and for our loving and happy family.
• He will have the greatest compassionate heart and the ability to be there for my family.
• We will always share & split, with great joy, all the responsibilities in our family including housekeeping. We will have a very nice house with a large altar and a big Gohonzon room to hold SGI meetings.
• We will live in a place where we can bring out the maximum value for the advancement of the kosenrufu movement.
• Our lives together could not be better. Yet, amazingly, it will get better and better every day.
With the goal being sincerely chanted for and well thought of, her next step is to Chant the amount of daimoku that she has decided to chant everyday:
1. For this goal to come true.
2. To sculpt the person vividly based on her criteria.
3. To communicate with the person’s Buddhahood through her daily daimoku about her goal, her efforts & her offer.
4. For the goals that she sets for him on his behalf.
She has to be utterly confident in herself and in the goal, have absolute faith in Gohonzon, and feel tremendous excitement about the value of this goal in terms of its mission to help others. Of course she has to painstakingly work on her human revolution and aggressively develop herself. Bringing happiness to countless people who are struggling amidst all kinds of relationship problems is as urgent as a life & death matter. With such a sense of urgency, she will take all necessary actions to accelerate this process and derive the best possible result. Her attitude towards and priority of carrying out this goal speaks for the importance of it. As daimoku is the fuel which benefits all aspects of her life, and as she needs time to build up her daimoku, she would have to strive to chant as much as possible. Along the way of pursuing her goal, her wisdom and life condition will be elevated. As a result, her perspective and criteria of the man she dreams of might change. Her ability and compassion to embrace the man’s deficiencies might be enhanced. However, one thing is for sure. She will find a man who suits her best in every aspect according to her newly developed life state at that particular time. People’s wants, needs and focuses vary. Her criteria might not meet with the requirements of many others. Therefore, this example is only for your reference. No matter what we want, as long as we make the cause, we will receive the corresponding effect.
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